Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
