Your tits are I can't wait for
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
