just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
