can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
