His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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