we're blogging at a bar
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize