And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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