I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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