So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
