I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
A+ Viking dick
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
