I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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