I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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