They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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