so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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