I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
