it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
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