You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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