He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
