Me too!
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize