that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I'm sobbing to NWA
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
