I wish I could teleport
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Randomize