My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
We are two peas in an std pod
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
i've created a new STD.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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