everyone is single if you try hard enough
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Randomize
