just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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