I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
I want to walk on stilts...naked
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize