planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
