You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
