Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
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