I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
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