My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
