found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
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