the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
