You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
