Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
