thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
