I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
