i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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