I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
