I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
