I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
