let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
