remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Randomize
