Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
