I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's never too late to be topless.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
