i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
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