we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
