That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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