i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
