mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's great music for shaving your balls
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
