Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Randomize
