Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
