halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
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