So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
