Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
