okay pat passed out under dana's car
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
