ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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