Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Randomize
