Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
