Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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