you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
