i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
