I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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