Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
