I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
he told me not be awkward when his girlfriend comes tomorrow. and then he made out with me
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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