you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
