I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
