Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
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