i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Randomize
