just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize
