i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
