I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
