Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize