seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
