I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
