I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
tell your sister to shave her snatch
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Randomize
