Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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