Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
