Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
