i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
