gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
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