Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
