My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
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