But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
