My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
