dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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