I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
