Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
This baby is an asshole
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Randomize
