I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Who died my cat blue again?
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
