I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hello my rib-scented angel!
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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