Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize