i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
