also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
