Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
