Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
