dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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