He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize