You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
How does one acquire holy water?
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Randomize
