i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
cat food counts as protein by the way
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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