I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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